Today the woman has 4 classes with the first one starting at 8:30am but she is already tired from staying up late the night before. Final exams are coming up soon and with her scores from midterms she really can't afford to sleep through her alarm again and miss yet another class. She sets 3 alarms on 3 different devices and scrolls herself to sleep.
After her last class, she feels relieved. She made it to all classes on time and thankfully, didn't fall asleep in the middle of a lecture as she has done many times before. It's mid-day and she has some free time before meeting up with her friend. They're finally going shopping for outfits to wear to the big gala next week. She's feeling sleepy so she goes into a small lounge, that is almost always empty at this time of day, and naps for about an hour.
While sipping matchas and store-hopping for nearly 2 hours, the two friends find the perfect full-length embroidered glimmering dresses. Mission accomplished. Next on the agenda is an hour of cardio at the gym. She loves her gym because not only do they have excellent equipment but there are also clean showers, meditation rooms and other amenities.
After a great workout she heads home to eat and unwind while finishing the series she
started binge-watching last weekend.
While making her favorite salad and protein shake she chats on the phone with her friend about the upcoming gala and the cute guy that greeted them in one of the stores earlier today. In between laughter, the friend asks, "Oh, were you able to pray dhur (the mid-day prayer) after your last class today?" All laughter comes to a stop. The woman gives silence as a response.
She had not prayed at all today. She had not consistently prayed the 5 daily prayers in quite a while and she didn't want to talk about it. The friend, familiar with the woman's silent responses, says, "InshaaAllah, I'll keep making dua that it becomes easier. I love you." The woman makes a weak excuse to get off the phone. They say goodbye and the call ends.
While flipping through the rectangular images on her 'For You' list to she thinks out loud: "My days are just too busy to pray 5 times. And when I'm not busy I'm tired. And when I'm not tired someone needs me to do something. I just don't have time to pray! Who really prays that many times a day anyway?!"
The intro of the 2nd episode of season 3 starts to play as the woman snuggles comfortably into her soft white blanket with her meal and remote beside her. She's convinced herself that her duties for the day are done and she deserves to relax so she has no intention to move from her cozy spot until morning comes.
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This level of the soul is called nafs al-amarah, or the soul of low desires. Spiritually, nafs al-amarah is the lowest level where a person falls prey to their own desires. Where the person is comfortably acting against the commandments of God. Where the line between right and wrong is blurred so the person falls deeper into wrong-doing and doesn't attempt to self-correct. On the outside, from a worldly perspective, it may appear that the person is doing well in life. But, from the perspective of spirituality, the person's higher self has been defeated by their untrained desire-driven lower self. Repentance is a way out of this level. May Allah guide and forgive us.
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"And I do not seek to rid myself of blame. Indeed, the soul is often inclined towards evil, except those upon whom my Lord has mercy. Indeed, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
Qur'an 12:53
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Ramadan Raindrops - Days 17 & 18
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